well i packed my ass off last night! I was pretty brutal (2 words that have often been used in the same sentence when describing me) i cast things aside that were maybe once very treasured possessions but if they have been sat untouched at the bottom of my wardrobe for 3 years i obviously dont need them.

There are only a few things in life that i truly treasure and would never throw away - i have a book of poetry that i wrote through my most angst ridden years, to read them now is both hilariously embarassing and gut wrenchingly painful. I would just sit in my room between the ages of 14 - 17, listening to Morrissey and The Smiths, pouring my heart out that no one understood me and the objects of my desire had no idea of my homosexual intentions. I would love to go back now and tell the pippy of then that things would be ok and work out quite differently to how i imagined but on some levels things are the same.

I seem to be a graduate from the uni of unrequited love - whether it be a straight boy who i dont stand a chance with or just a guy who is not interested in me. I often had those relationships/crushes when i was a mere 16 and to a certain extent i am still having them, wanting what you can't have an all that. I was reminded of this boyfriend past by my second discovery last night - the ex boyfriend box!!! this is a box where i have kept letters, cards, photos and keepsakes from the men in my life - looking back through it after not touching it for 3 years was so strange and uplifting in many ways. I look back to the person i was during one of my 1st relationships (not the most pleasant time of my life) to the person i am now and feel strong and strangely relieved that i made it through. The relationships since then have been a rather mixed bag, looking at the photos it is clear that i dont have a specific type as one has very much differed from the other. The only couple of things that most have in common is that a) they didnt work out and b) i am still friends with most of them.

It would be easy for me to mope around and dwell on the past thinking of what could have been but where is the fun in that? My work is going really well at the moment and i am about to move into a fantastic new house. It's a new start for me and a time to embrace the changes ahead of me whatever they are. The sun has come out this week and refreshed me, i hope it has had the same effect on you. We could all do with cheering up a bit but maybe we shouldn't rely on someone else to do it first!

Enjoy

xx

Umbrella is knocked off the number 1 spot and the sun comes out. coincidence? i dont think so!

A lovely weekend has been had - Friday night i went to Crouch End to celebrate my friend Clare's birthday with a gorgeous meal at Les Associate, a sweet little french restaurant. Following a slap up meal that included snails and rabbit! i dragged my bloated ass home.

Saturday i woke up to do some serious packing and clearing which included (sniff sniff) all my back copies of Attitude which are now being recycled into mulch! boo and indeed hoo! Saturday afternoon it was more celebrations with Clare and the clan at Kew Bridge, sat by the worryingly rather full river. By evening everyone was heading their seperate ways but me and Zoe were hungry for more so we went to meet her boyf Paul at The Phoenix behind Oxford Circus, it was a rather random night called "Heavy Load" kinda 70's rock with hilarious perms but hey they served tequila so that numbed the pain.

Yesterday i went to see my new house to do practical things like measuring up and discussing bills and rent. The place is lovely and i had a little wander round my new hood, it is all tree lined and amazingly quiet with a great pub just a few mins away. The removal van is booked so roll on saturday!!!

I have a feeling that i am not going to be out and about much this month. what with me moving, pete moving and the impending visit of my parents i shall be kept busy making my new place look nice and getting used to being on the right side of the river again.

I managed to catch the repeat of the 1st 2 episodes of "Heroes" last night and was mightily impressed. I am lost with "Lost"and i think this will be a better replacement and easier to follow. No particular hotties as yet but heres hoping. I had a bit of an "Acorn Antiques" fest this weekend too, i forgot how hilarious that programme was - the quotes are truly endless

"what did you say your new girlfriends name was Derek? Marie-Francine-Therese-Douboir??"




All the episodes are now available on dvd and i highly recommend it, I am rediscovering my love for Victoria Wood at the moment and it is very rewarding indeed, although i seem to be watching her more than packing - boo!!

Finally congrats to David on landing his new job, well done boss!

xx

Well after yesterday's rather traumatised blog i thought i would lighten things up today and go back to the shallow celebrity/man love thoughts that occupy my mind on a regular basis. I have surpassed myself this year with Big Brother - i just haven't watched it, i really don't need to its all over the press and most of my friends and colleagues are talking about it so i can easily find out about these inane fame hungry freaks from others. Apparently tonight the most unpopular housemate of all the series is going to be evicted, Obviously i buy enough celebrity magazines to wallpaper spain every week so i have heard some of the vile and venomous things that this housemate has said. She appears to be extraordinarily deluded about the way the public is viewing her. What is really sad is that Big Brother has created this by devleloping the show each year and adding more twists and turns they are enabling people to believe that adoration and fame is going to be handed to them on a plate. Even though Charley is particularly vile so is the while idea of the show and i know the millions that tune in would totally disagree with me but i do think its a valid point.

I have a very arduous and painstaking task ahead of me, no not the hollyoaks omnibus - i am moving house a week tomorrow and i have not even lifted a finger to think about clearing out or packing so it all has to start this weekend, the only problem is that whenever i have a clear out i find a book or magazine that i haven't read for ages and then get transfixed in yesterdays news - boo to moving!! It's an exciting new start and i cant wait to give the new place the pippy touch, i just wish it didnt involve lifting boxes or assembling furniture.

It's official - Facebook has taken over my life! It's such a great site and i have got in touch with people that i have not seen for years which has just been lovely but it's all rather worrying, certain orgainsations have taken to blocking the site so employees can't look at it during work hours - but like the mobile phone we once coped without it and now we dont know how we ever did. I shall make the most of my time on facebook from today onwards and continue poking people til my finger dislocates!

Marriage eh? its a funny old thing - Jodie Marsh has been travelling up and down the country auditioning men for her new show, the winner gets to marry her, i just think this is awful! hat does it say about marriage? what message does it give to young women? Is that really what marriage is about? My parents are still together and were school sweethearts so i think i have a very rose tinted and romantic view of the way my love life is going to work out and i still have faith that the guy is out there but the thought of getting guys to do stunts and audition just kills me.

THE IMAGINARY MEN OF PIPPY'S BOUDOIR!

I have not always found this guy attractive but i found this picture and nearly dropped my cocktail! He has been in Clueless and the object of my affection as well as appearing in Friends and with Julia Roberts on Broadway, He has that dark hair thing going on which i am a sucker for - its the strangely attractive Paul Rudd




Have a lovely weekend people and dont forget - if ya think you'll have a shag, pop a johnny in yer bag!

xx

What a gay week!

Well channel 4 has gone gay crazy this week with it's series of programmes on homo's like my dear self. I have not been able to see all the shows but the 2 that have stuck out so far have been the drama "Clapham Junction" starring Paul Nicholls screened on sunday night. I watched it in a rather intoxicated state but could not take my eyes off the screen. Basically it was a 2 hour drama focusing on the inter-linking lives of several gay men in south london. There were 2 bits that could be deemed as controversial - firstly the storyline of a 14 year old schoolboy seducing a man in his 30's who was apparently a known paedophille. This raised questions in my head as to when we do become sexual, i don't think we give young people the chance to say that nbot only is sexuality fluid but also our awareness of it is. I can remember being attracted to my teachers at school and although no action was taken i knew exactly how i felt. The danger of course is that the daily mail will probably have just leapt onto the "gay men are all paedophilles" thing (totally untrue and statistically incorrect by the way)

Also the character played by Paul Nicholl's basically went to gay bars and took men home and attacked them. By the end of the drama he had become a victim of his own plight and had been attacked and put in hospital. Was he just a homophobe or was he totally in denial of his sexuality taking his anger out on his peers?

This was an amazing programme, extremely distressing and thought provoking. I am sure certain people in this country will have watched in shock and terror at the goings on in the twilight world of the homosexual or maybe they will have seen between the lines and realised that this was a snapshot of certain gay lifestyles?

Last night there was a discussion programme with the gays looking at how things have changed over the last 40 years since gay sex was decriminalised. One of the discussion points was is being gay still the big issue it once was. Well for many people being gay is just a part of life, they are accepted by their family and friends. The majority of legislation has been changed and gay men and lesbians are now in many ways seen as equal, well that's the law and as much as i respect it, how much of an impact does it have on people's attitudes? Could 2 gay men walk down any street in the UK kissing and not be scared of being verbally or physically attacked? Can young gay men and lesbians get through a day at school without being taunted or bullied?

The times they are a changing but not quick enough for me. I am still scared of showing affection in public and am sick of having an in built security watch everytime i kiss a male friend heelo or goodbye. So before we hop, skip and jump down the streets singing "Glad to be gay" let's remember those who can't be.



Jodi Dobrowski - murdered October 2005



David Morley - murdered November 2004




xx

Yay!! The Bitch is back on the block

Yes homie's and homo's i am back from Ibiza and it was fabulous!! The Weather has been amazing all week and i have come back with a lovely tan, feeling refreshed which is strange considering what a party island Ibiza is supposed to be. The hotel was lovely and right on the beach so we could spend our days by the pool looking out to the sea.

The nightlife was great and bizarre in equal measures. I think i may be getting old, On our first night we just went round a few bars to familiarise ourselves with the area, the 2nd night was the Carl Cox opening party at Space. We paid a stupid amount to get in and the club looked ok, we of course looked fab but we kinda forgot that it wasn't a gay night so cut to lots of straight guys in a club wearing t shirts and shorts (i ask you! talk about retarded!), well we waited for Mr Cox to come on, the music so far had been, well basically one track of dull soul less dance music for about 3 hours and then Mr Cox appeared at the DJ booth, blurting into the mic that we should all be "avin it" and then off he popped. I am sure this was his effort to get the crowd dripping with anticipation and drip we did and then some more and then heavy dripping led to small pools of anticipation all over the floor, he like totally didnt come on for hours!!! Oliver just looked at me and said "shall we go" and go we did, yeah fuck you coxy. No one keeps 2 queens waiting that long - we had sun to worship!

The rest of the week was great, we made friends with a very sweet hobbit sized bar man called Fabiano who put us on his guest list for clubs every night of the week, i think he did this for most people but who cares - he saved us a fortune! and there is something aboiut barging into a club on a guest list that generally makes you feel better than most. We went back to Space the following evening, escorted by a rather dishy but illegal taxi driver called Marcello, i could not see as i was sat in the back but apprently he kept kissing his rosary beads and crossing his heart all the time. We were speeding through the streets, listening to hard house so maybe it was a tad scary. The second night at Space was much better and more gayer with pretty good music and more of a chance to explore.

The night after we decided that we needed it gay! like really gay so we went to federation at Heaven. It was pretty dead when we got there but things soon livened up and the music was much more to our tastes we lked it so much that we popped back there the following evening, not as good but still pretty mash up.

The men in Ibiza are stunning, i assume they spend all day in the gym and all night clubbing, its the only explanation! The amount of times we had to use our code word for "there is a hottie a coming", people may have thought we had tourettes. Such beautiful men to generally make you feel bad about the way you look.

I didnt spend as much cash as i thought i would especially since the only things you can really see in the clothes shops are either splattered with diamante's or have rather loud bold writing on them. Either the holiday fashion blindness did not kick in.

On our last night we went for a beautiful meal right by the sea which just ended things perfectly and despite the awful weather that has been happening here, our journey home was relatively stress free. So big big love to Oliver for sorting everything out, it has done me the world of good.

So here i am back in blighty, totally astonished by the floods! what the hell is happening? i never thought i would see the day, its surreal and very very sad.

As promised i said that there would be a double bill of men in the boudoir and hopefully i wont let you down with these 2 delights.

Recently i bought the dvd of "Angels in America" and one of the actors in that is just adorable and as a bonus he strips naked on a beach, what more could i ask for? a full frontal scene thats what!! but sadly no so here he is, bless!!


And i know that i have had him in before but he has just turned 18 and the new Harry Potter film and final book have just come out so Happy Birthday Radcliffe!



xx

Oh thank the lord for the quite night in!

Last night was heavenly! I got home after work, cooked myself a nice bit of fish and vegetables (health,health health) and curled up on the sofa to finish watching my box set of "The Comeback" - for those not in the know, This is an american piss take of reality tv, it was the first show that Lisa Kudrow did following her massive success in "Friends" - she co created the show with Michael Patrick King who also was a major driving force behind "Sex and the City".

The show follows the comeback of former TV "it" girl Valerie Cherish. In many ways it is in the same vein as "The Office" in that it plays up to that awkward comedy that actually makes you cringe with embarassment. Sadly the show only lasted one season before being cancelled due to poor ratings, mainly due to the fact that americans really don't seem to get that type of humour. Lisa Kudrow is sensational in it, her timing and physical comedy are excellent, it's a bargain online and in stores at the moment, well worth a buy!!



After getting through that i moved onto my box set of "My So Called Life" which takes me back to being an angst ridden 16 year old homo who was very confused about how he was feeling. The character of Rickie in this show played by Wilson Cruz pretty much changed my life, it was the 1st time i had seen an honest depiction of a teenage gay man expressing his feelings. It struck me last night that even though i have not seen this show since it was 1st aired in 1993/4, Everytime he said a line about his sexuality i could remember it - thats the kind of effect this show had on me. Again check it out!!



Thanks to Oliver for emailing me a link to the pictures Victoria and David Beckham in "W" magazine. I have always thought David was hot but would you look at his ass!! makes me wish i had a tongue like a tropical frog!!




I am looking out of my window at the moment and although it is warm it is also decidedly dull...... but who cares cos hey i'm going to ibiza!! Sadly there will be no blogging from me until Monday 23rd July but i shall have many stories of ridiculous goings on and mash up times and to make up for the wait i shall have a double bill of men popping into my boudoir.

Have a wonderful week and dont worry just because i am abroad does not mean i am going to miss out on celebrity gossip so i shall be ranting about their goings on when i am back

take care of yourselves and each other

xxx

I dont know how i do it people but i have managed to survive another weekend!!!

Friday was fun, The sale on my friend Pete's house went through so we met for a few drinks to celebrate, I could not stay out too late as i had to prepare my body for saturday and Live Earth!! I met up with Pete, Kaz and T at the Big Chill Bar in King's Cross, they have a grand old roof terrace and since it was such a beautiful day - champagne was in order so after polishing off a couple of bottles we headed up to wembley with the occassional chant of MA-DO-NNA!

We missed the 1st few acts but really wanted to avoid the queue's, The stadium is breathtaking! It was such a beautiful day and the atmosphere was fantastic. Highlights for me were the Black Eyed Peas, Keane (whose lead singer has lost weight and was looking pretty good!) and the Red Hot Chilli Peppers.

As night fell it was time for the big players! The Foo Fighters just blew me away, the set they played was flawless, I have never been a huge fan but will now be investing in their albums asap! Then it was time for our gracious leader, After a moment of darkness where all the stadium lights were turned off, out she stepped into a single spotlight to sing the theme of Live Earth - Hey you. She looked great and although i was initially disappointed with her set mainly due to a lot of it being a repeat of the confessions tour, i can now look back on it and realise how much she rocked the stadium. Getting Gogol Bordello to join her on La Isla Bonita was inspired and you cant go wrong with Hung Up. God bless her.

I got home eventually and watched some of the show that i had taped and it was all very surreal, you cant imagine what its like being at that size of show but looking back on it now feels slightly dream like.

On sunday i woke feeling a tad weary but i had no time to sit about. I hopped on a train to Sheffield for my friend Matt's birthday party, It was so much fun and really great to catch up with people,. although it did get very messy! Lots of dancing (cut to me flat on my back at the bar with Dan on top of me after attempting a madonna yoga like move). There was also quite a lot of drink throwing as well, Dan was in a bit of a Joan Collins mood and threw a drink all over Aidan to defend me (thats what friends are for!)

So big thanks to the people who made it such a good time in Sheffield, I am now back in London and feeling the effects of my excess rather badly! I have sooo much work to do this week as next week i shall be in Ibiza!! I have just checked the weather forecast over there and it is scorching!!! Hoorah! I so need this holiday, the weather we have experienced lately is just a total joke!

Almost forgot to say the funniest aspect of Saturday was after the concert - Pete remembered that former Steps singer and desperate, fame hungry bint Lisa Scott Lee was "performing" at Charles Street Bar in Brighton so we all made a few crank calls asking who was performing and then saying something quite horrible about her, totally childish and pathetic but after the amount we had drank it was the best!

xx

Sorry for the lack of blogging yesterday people i was away from my computer all day. Spent the day at a conference and had a nice little chat with Dame Esther of Rantzen! What a lovely woman and her teeth really aren't as scary as i imagined.

On wednesday night i went to view a couple of rooms in Dalston as part of "get me over the river now!" project. The first was a very newly built building, it was all very nice but the 2 guys i would be sharing with weren't there and to be honest it was all just a bit too new for me, no character, didnt feel lived in. The 2nd place was recommended by my mate Dawn and i have to say i was so impressed! it's not exactly what i was looking for but the room would be big enough to double up as a bedroom/living room! my own lil space. I think i am going to go for it! Yay!!

Last night i went with Oliver to the new O2 arena in Greenwich to see the rather delectable Justin Timberlake. The venue is great for gig's and there are loads of restaurants and bars. The most bizarre thing was the security, as we were walking in we both had bags as we had come straight from work, there were hundreds of people piling in and a security guard grabbed me and said i needed to scan my bag which was fine but they only had one airport style scanning machine so loads of people were just walking past, not the strictest of security, then i went through the body scanner thing and obviously it bleeped due to my money, keys and mobile. All the security guy said was "what do you have in your pockets?", i told him and he just said that was fine - oh i forgot to mention the knife and the gun - ooops! ah well.

The 2nd bizarre security/safety thing was the fact that we were in the standing bit of the arena and very close to the stage but security kept pushing us forward to make sure the gangway was clear, but there was no forward to oush us too, so the safety guys were basically saying, go forward just crush the people in front. Great work!

Justin was amazing though and i am glad to report that he has something quite substantial in those trousers! his singing, guitar and piano playing was perfect. The dancing was fantastic and he did all the hits including his new single "Lovestoned" which is the best song he has done so far in my opinion. Apparently he is going to be performing with Duran Duran tomorrow at Live Earth! he just cant keep away from me!!






Yes tomorrow is Live Earth and i cant wait, Madonna is set to close the show with a 4 song set!! I have never been to Wembley Stadium so the whole day is set to be an eye opener and the weather forecast is pretty good too - hoorah!!

THE IMAGINARY MEN OF PIPPY'S BOUDOIR

Quite a random one today but as some of you may know i have been banging on about the "Hollyoaks" gay storyline for quite a while now and it's all heating up nicely but as i get more and more into it i have found myself being strangely drawn to the main character. The actor's name is James Sutton, his performance has been excellent (which for hollyoaks is quite surprising!), it also helps that he is a lil cutie!!




Happy Birthday to Matt who turns 28 (not 38) today, Looking forward to partying with him and the other sheffield ho's on sunday!

Look out for me at Wembley tomorrow, I will be the one with the "Climate change? Bovered! When is Madonna on" banner!!

xx

Tori, Tori, Tori!!

Wow and wow once more people. Last night was the best Tori Amos show i have ever seen, she was nothing short of fierce and looked amazing, firstly coming on as a marilyn monroe style whore and then changing into a red haired sequinned piano stool rider!




She played loads of songs off the new album, a great collection of oldies and my all time fave Tori song "Cool on your Island" which makes me cry everytime but with these lyrics can you blame me?

If you don't treat me better
Baby I'll just run away
Baby I don't know what drives you
To play all these silly games
C'mon baby
I'm much stronger than you know
Sometimes
I'm not afraid to let it show

When will you wake up
I want you more than the stars and the sun
But I can take only so much
Cool on your island
Is it cool on your island

I gotta brand new dress babe
Could it make you wanna try
I guess I didn't want to notice
The stars gone from your eyes
C'mon baby
I'm much stronger than you know
Sometimes
I'm not afraid to let it show

When will you wake up
I want you more than the stars and the sun
But I can take only so much
Cool on your island
Is it cool on your island

We could buy an airplane
Build a home in the sand
You could tell your secrets
I could understand
But then by the morning
Comes crumblin' down
And as your leavin'
Wait

When will you wake up
I want you more than the stars and the sun
But I can take only so much
Cool on your island
Is it cool, baby
When will you wake up
I want you more than the stars and the sun
But I can take only so much
Cool on your island
You're so cool on your island
Is it cool on your island
Is it cool baby

If you don't treat me better
Baby I'll just run away
Cool on your island
If you don't treat me
One day you'll wake up cold
Yeah, then you'll know
You'll know
You'll know
You love me


Ah bless Miss Tori!!

There was however, a few lessons that needed teaching last night in concert etiquette!

1. If you see signs all over the venue saying that Tori will be performing for over 2 hours maybe you should go to the toilet first instead of getting up every 5 minutes regardless of what song is playing

2. I paid over £35 to hear Tori Amos last night - i didn't pay to hear some tragic gay boy behind me thinking that he could sing, if we hanted to hear that, the seats would be facing the other way and the light would be on you sunshine but it aint is it so put a cock in it!

3. When you weren't singing you were talking, had you not had enough time during the other 22 hours of that day for the chit chat, did you really think that when tori was singing it was appropriate to chat about some bint from work? seriously put another cock in it

4. As for the woman sat on row AA seat 45, you are a total muppet, had you popped an E? you were whooping and dancing and screeching, which would be fine if we were at a 2unlimited reunion concert but when Tori is singing a ballad on the piano, i am sorry but no - it was ever so slightly tempting to drive a nail through your head but hey i am a people person and that kind of behaviour is just not what i am wired for.

I see that the TV regulators have struck again, Yeah homophobic language is the latest guest in the Big Brother house - apparently Welsh Laura has used the word "Poof" quite a bit and Ziggy has been using the word "Lesbian" in a derogatory way. Channel 4 has said this language is acceptable. Thanks for popping the gay movement back a few years and also for sending out the message that derogatory terms for lesbians and gay men is totally fine. You really are delivering a public service!

Well the moving saga is moving on! I am off to view a couple of new places tonight in North East London so here is hoping that they are lovely and shiny. There are actually loads of great sites on the net and some fab places out there. In fact there are almost too many places, I am spending ages just wading through them but it needs to be done as the new place really needs to be special.

xx

Well that's it for another year. Pride is over and it's back to shame. It was kinda ok this year, i guess the rumours are true though - the gays dont do rain. I was working this year so was unable to do the parade but apparently it went well and we didn't have half the protesters as last year. Just a few angry deluded christians and 5 members of the National Front but with their tight jeans and skinheads most people probably thought they were marching for leather rights!

The rest of the day was spent sheltering from the rain and trying to find a bar that was not rammed where we could get a drink easily, cut to us sitting proudly in an All Bar One! Everyone was really tired and we were heading home soon after last orders. On sunday i woke up feeling refreshed and in need of a rather large drinking session! So off i popped to Angel to meet up with the lovely lesbian ladies! Kaz, T and Dawn and we basically drank and drank and drank thanks to The Greens buy one drink get one free extravaganza. The annoying thing was that sunday was a really nice day, the sun was out and all was lovely.

Sunday was the first day of the smoking ban. I officially stopped smoking at the end of November last year but i have had more blips than i can count, i just can't seem to get away from having a drink and not having a cigarette but hurrah for the ban! The temptation has now gone and i swear i shall not smoke again! It will save me a fortune and more importantly i will be able to breathe in and out again!

Sunday was also the Concert for Diana, I taped it and watched it yesterday amd i have to say i was not all that impressed, thank the lord i could just press fast forward, was it just me or did Wembley Stadium look empty, i know there were delays getting in but it did not have the same feel as the good old massive concerts they used to hold there. I am praying that Live Earth will have more people and a better atmosphere. that is coming up this saturday and up until now i had not been paying much attention to the line up apart from Madonna but it really is amazing and i am getting really excited about it now.

I watched "Shrink Rap" last night, for those who didn't catch it on More4 it's a series of therapy like session led by Dr Pamela Connelly (Billy's wife). Last night her guest on the couch was Sharon Osborne. It was fascinating to watch such a feisty, strong woman allow herself to be so vulnerable. I wept and wept as a lot of the issues Sharon was discussing resonated with me quite a lot, No problem though, a good cry once in a while is much needed, it clears things out!


Tonight i am off to see Tori Amos at the Hammersmith Apollo, her new show has been getting rave reviews and apparently she changes into different characters throughout the show so that should be interesting! I have to admit that even though i bought her new album ages ago i have not exactly been listening to it much thanks to my obsession with Mr Wainwright. I am sure she will be as marvellous as ever, this is my 6th possibly 7th time seeing her and she has not let me down so far - full review tomorrow.

Just been on to the rather hilarious "Sheffield Forum" web site, You may remember me banging on about some of the unbelievably stupid questions that are asked on the forum on my blog a while ago well it's time for an update.

Q - Has the clothing section of Asda re-opened yet?

A - Let's hope not, Supermarkets should not sell clothes, its not exactly their area of expertise!

Q - Where can i get a tracksuit top in Sheffield?

A - Stop wearing tracksuit tops!!

Q - How do i report poor customer service at Netto?

A - You actually think Netto staff get customer service training? Most of them dont even get a wash!

These 2 are classic 1. Where can i buy socks? 2. Where can i buy a bacon buttie? - Have these numpty's ever left the house, seriously what is wrong with them?

Anyway i am in Sheffield on sunday for my friend Matt's 38th birthday so if i see someone saying "all i want is a pair of socks and a tracksuit top!" dont worry - i will push them over.

I had to laugh the other day, i was talking to a colleague about my upcoming holiday to Ibiza and he went straight onto the subject of the 2 people arrested in the Algarve for trying to con the parents of missing girl Madeleine McCann. I was intrigued as to the change of subject, he went onto say

"no but have you seen them being arrested on the news, the weather looked lovely! so you should get a nice tan in Ibiza!" -

Of all the things to get from that report, it did make me cry with laughter though

xxxx