well i packed my ass off last night! I was pretty brutal (2 words that have often been used in the same sentence when describing me) i cast things aside that were maybe once very treasured possessions but if they have been sat untouched at the bottom of my wardrobe for 3 years i obviously dont need them.

There are only a few things in life that i truly treasure and would never throw away - i have a book of poetry that i wrote through my most angst ridden years, to read them now is both hilariously embarassing and gut wrenchingly painful. I would just sit in my room between the ages of 14 - 17, listening to Morrissey and The Smiths, pouring my heart out that no one understood me and the objects of my desire had no idea of my homosexual intentions. I would love to go back now and tell the pippy of then that things would be ok and work out quite differently to how i imagined but on some levels things are the same.

I seem to be a graduate from the uni of unrequited love - whether it be a straight boy who i dont stand a chance with or just a guy who is not interested in me. I often had those relationships/crushes when i was a mere 16 and to a certain extent i am still having them, wanting what you can't have an all that. I was reminded of this boyfriend past by my second discovery last night - the ex boyfriend box!!! this is a box where i have kept letters, cards, photos and keepsakes from the men in my life - looking back through it after not touching it for 3 years was so strange and uplifting in many ways. I look back to the person i was during one of my 1st relationships (not the most pleasant time of my life) to the person i am now and feel strong and strangely relieved that i made it through. The relationships since then have been a rather mixed bag, looking at the photos it is clear that i dont have a specific type as one has very much differed from the other. The only couple of things that most have in common is that a) they didnt work out and b) i am still friends with most of them.

It would be easy for me to mope around and dwell on the past thinking of what could have been but where is the fun in that? My work is going really well at the moment and i am about to move into a fantastic new house. It's a new start for me and a time to embrace the changes ahead of me whatever they are. The sun has come out this week and refreshed me, i hope it has had the same effect on you. We could all do with cheering up a bit but maybe we shouldn't rely on someone else to do it first!

Enjoy

xx