Some of you may be aware that Saturday was National Coming Out Day!!

It all seems a bit random - I only read about this in gay publications so one would think that if you are reading a gay magazine you are more than likely out to someone about your sexuality. I came out when I was 16 which means that basically I have been out for roughly half my life (how frikkin scary is that?) - I always find it interesting to hear people's "coming out" stories because no two stories are ever the same, for many young gay people, coming out can be the biggest and scariest moment of their lives - I know it was for me.

I can remember the day I came out to my parents so clearly, as if it were yesterday, I had told a few of my friends already and they had all been fantastic, even the straight guys, well after I assured them that I wasn't going to bum them into next week. I had sat up in my room standing in front of the mirror practising my speech over and over again but everytime I got to the all important "Mum and Dad, I am gay" part I would just burst into tears over all the fears and thoughts that i assumed would run through their mind. The biggest fear for me is that they would think I had let them down or that they had done something wrong. There is no worse feeling than thinking that you have let your parents down.

After lots of thought and soul searching I decided there was no way I could get through telling them so I sat down and started writing, putting all my thoughts and feelings of the last few years in one hell of an angst ridden letter. I banged on for 3 or 4 pages about how depressed I had been feeling and not knowing what to do with myself before finally admitting on the last page that I was gay. I then said at the end of the letter that I would be at my friend clare's house if they wanted to talk. I left the letter in an obvious place and walked up to clare's in floods of tears.

After a short while of pacing up and down and worrying, the phone rang and my dad said I should head home. I always thought that my dad would be angry as he is a yorkshire man born and bred and probably didn't want a poof as a son. My mum would be fine and give me a big hug and tell me everything would be alright, well it just goes to show that you can never presume what a reaction will be. I got home to find my mum at the bottom of the stairs, crying like I had never seen anyone cry before, whilst my dad just gave me a hug and told me everything was ok. We went into the living room and my mum calmed down enough to start asking questions - was it just a phase? what about AIDS? are you seeing anyone? you are too young to know? etc.

It took a long, long time for my parents to really accept my sexuality and that year was probably one of the most painful of my life, looking at my parents knowing that they were thinking "where did we go wrong?" - it's a gut wrenching feeling. I am very happy to say that now my parents are amazing and totally accept me for who I am. I am very lucky. Recently I was chatting to my mother and asked her about that infamous letter - why did she get so upset about it?

She put me straight on the matter (no pun intended) - in the year leading up to the letter I had worn nothing but black clothes, listened to nothing but Morrissey and The Smiths and generally had been walking round like a zombie, My mother found the note and thought I had killed myself. I never ever thought that would happen and now know that maybe I should have opened with the whole I'm gay thing - well thankfully you live and learn.

Anyways that's my lil coming out story. I have many other stories involving friends that vary from hilarious to truly tragic but that's not for here. I have to say that no matter how painful some of it was, coming out has enhanced my life and broadened my horizons, true enough it does not always work out as well as that but thankfully there is lots of support out there for young people these days, I just hope they know where to find it.

Please tell me I am not the only one who is bored to tears with hearing the news and it being banks, banks, banks - I really need someone to sit down with me and tell me in no more than 5 minutes what the fuck is going on because the second I start reading one of the bank news stories or anything financial for that matter I start drifting off into day dream world - this is always preferable as it usually involves Danny Dyer banging me against a cash machine as £50 notes fly out of it - think I need to stop eating so much cheese - it's havinga rather bizarre impact on my subconcious.

Can we just take a moment to appreciate Huge Jackman - he was on the beach in Sydney yesterday celebrating his 40th birthday - the guy looks amazing, he is super gay friendly, can dance and loves musical theatre - tick, tick, tick, tick all of my boxes Hugh!




Well that's quite enough for today

xx