Well we can win big brother, pop idol, bafta's, oscars, grammys, We can play an active role in almost any occupation in the world but apparently the gays cannot kick a ball around a pitch for love nor money - not my words - Luciano Moggi's words, yes the former managing director of one of the world's best known football clubs, Juventus, has said that "a homosexual cannot do the job of a footballer" - I have never been sure what the job of a footballer actually is, It generally seems to be earning a ridiculous amount of money to occasionally play a game of kickabout whilst the rest of the time is spent furnishing their tranny lookalike girlfriends with nasty designer clothing, boob jobs and the mysterious ability to launch a range of perfume that if sprayed effectively would ensure that you never get turned away from asda.

Mr Moggi goes on to say that " There are no gays in football, I don't know if players are against having them in their team but I definitely am, In the teams where I worked there were never any. I never wanted to have a homosexual player and I still wouldn't sign one. I'm old school but I know the ambience of football and a gay wouldn't be able to survive within it. The football world is not designed for them, it's a special atmosphere, one in which you stand naked under the showers."

Yeah right Moggi, it really is a macho sport and the gays could never fit in, apart from the fact that football boots make a high heel sound on concrete, everytime someone does something good they hug and kiss each other and then when all is done they swap shirts and shower together - sounds like a night out in Vauxhall to me and gay men do that very well. I should also mention that Mr Moggi (which sounds like a marvellous name for cat litter) is banned from football until 2011 for his role in a corruption scandal and is currently on trial - I think it might be him that has no place in football.

The facebook website is still an addiction I am receiving treatment for, over the past couple of weeks quite a lot of people from my school day's have added me as a friend, including my ex best mate from infant school and my high school heart throb. The ex best mate was not just from infant school, she re - appeared towards the end of secondary school and we were close for quite a few years and then I moved away and that was that. She has now added me and sent me a message, I am slightly concerned as to her welfare, she starts the message with "hey dude" - who the chuff says dude these days? It's all a bit "Bill and Ted" for my liking, the message ends "peace out, word to ya mutha" - exactly what word would she like to tell my mutha? I don't know if I even want her to speak to my mutha, it may all be a bit too upsetting for my 56 year old mutha to open the door to a 31 yr old white gangsta rap quoting admin worker chatting her lyrics. I shall endeavour to ensure that this does not happen, it's the last thing my mutha needs she has only just got over the excitement of patterned kitchen roll and I fear this would send her over the edge, next thing you know she will be buying a bath with a door.

Also my high school heart throb added me, he used to live at the bottom of my road growing up and I used to wait for him to go past on his way to school every day mainly because i was psychotically in love with him, I was never sure if he figured it out, there was the odd occasion when he would turn round crying and screaming "stop following me, stop dribbling and take your hand out of your trousers - I have been in touch with the police, you are on a list!" - touchy bastard! He should have been glad of the attention - no one has ever put on a harness to hang outside my bedroom window, not even when i left a harness outside the back of my house with a post it attached saying "put this on and winch yourself up a floor".

Well after 15 years of barely seeing each other he has added me, which means he can now see my full profile, he will now think that I am a beer swilling tranny - pretty accurate so far, sadly i can see his profile, he is fat and married to an orange girl who looks ever so slightly like a member of an atomic kitten tribute band. Ah well his loss!

Anyway peace out dudes and word does indeed go to YOUR mutha!

xxx