I dont want to speak ill of my home city and i am sure most places have thick people in them but some of the questions asked on www.sheffieldforum.co.uk are so hilarious! I often pop on sheffield based sites just to keep in touch with the city that kicked my arse into gear and got me to London! Anyway lets see what some of the recent hot questions have been and i shall answer them as best i can

Q - Where is the best place to get some hen night t-shirts?

A - A t shirt printing shop you muppet!

Q - Where is Stannington?

A - Look on a map you loser

Q - Greens Gym - How much is it?

A - Pick up the phone and ask them you idiot

Q - Where can i buy a good pen?

A - Any stationers in the world you f*ckin muppet!!

The best til last and this is totally true!!

Q - Where can i buy Orange Juice?

A - Halfords! Where dya frikkin think? A bloody supermarket!!!!!!

I just really think people are just stupid, c'mon government lets tax the stupid people! the oxygen thiefs! I have no doubt that you will be popping a select few in the Big Brother House tonight, failing that - romford and uxbridge seem like a safe bet! that way they can all listen to their mp3's as loud as they like, they can walk as slow as they want and they can drag those buggin trolley suitcases through tube turnstiles like there is no tomorrow.

I am not sure if i have mentioned this before but i have queue jinx - if you ever find yourself travelling or shopping with me do not enter a queue with me because no matter how fast the queue was moving before i joined it, it will grind to a halt - people using coupons, asking a bus driver the routes of all the london buses, buying day travelcards for an entire family - you name it - i have got stuck behind it, i think the worst are cash machine morons! i am an expert at drawing cash out of my account - just ask my bank manager! I have been using cash machines for years, as have most people on this planet so why does it take some people twice as long - is there perhaps some email facility on the machine that i am not aware of? have they started showing the Lord of the Rings Trilogy on the screen? i think there should be a trapdoor at the cash machine and as long as you stick to a average time you should be safe but any longer than just over a minute and that trapdoor should open up to all kinds of horrors.

I know, i know people will say "oh but it sometimes takes longer for older people to do things" Oh believe me honey, i know it takes longer!!! so take the wheels off the chav's trainers, put them on old peoples shoes and lets party! i mean really, what harm can it do? besides it would be hilariously funny just like that woman falling over in the office reception on the "accident at work, need compensation" advert.

I realise i have been cruel today but thats life think on!!

xx