After mentioning the Bridgend suicides yesterday the death toll has now gone up to 17 following the suicide of Jenna Parry who hanged herself from her tree in a small town just 5 miles away from Bridgend. Action is now being taken and "experts" are being sent into all the local schools to talk to pupils.

Well tonight is the Brit awards, Amy Winehouse is due to make an appearance in a Mark Ronson medley alongside the fabulous Adele! Ozzy and Sharon Osborne are hosting the event tonight and let's just hope it is not a car crash like the infamous Sam Fox/ Mick Fleetwood hell!! I hope Take That scoop quite a few as their comeback has been fantastic and they are essentially a great pop group.

In the latest edition of Q Magazine they have asked readers to vote for their Top 50 Best British Albums and i have to say the results are quite surprising, Oasis are at No.1 with Definitely Maybe which i have to say is one of my favourite indie albums, i remember buying it the day it came out in the good old days of tapes!! No.2 is Oasis' 2nd album - Whats the story morning glory which again is a great album but when i used to work behind the bar at Sheffield University Student Union, it was on the jukebox constantly and during an 8 hour day shift it did get a little bit annoying. The big surprise for me is that Keane are at No.8 with their latest album "Under the iron sea" - I do really like Keane and they were fantastic at Live Earth but the album is only ok and has managed to beat some great records including - Urban Hymns by The Verve, The Bends by Radiohead, Abbey Road by The Beatles, The Queen is Dead by The Smiths and all 3 Coldplay albums - i suspect foul play!

Madonna has dismissed the rumours that she is going to be performing at New York's Central Park on her 50th Birthday on August 16th but there is no doubt that she will be performing somewhere this year! She may even do small gigs to launch her new album towards the end of April.

I stayed in last night and listened to lots of music that i had not heard for a long time, most of it depressing but i find i do my best thinking with a glass of wine and some sad music. I have decided that tonight will be my last session with the good old emotional stylist. I am not in the same place as when i started, i have come to realise that when i do reflect on the bad things that happened to me, i now focus on what it took for me to get out of that situation - the realisation that i am not in it anymore, that i am better and it took strength, guts and courage to get out. Also that since then i have changed my life unbelievably and have even managed a few relationships. The main aspect that has got me through this whole process are my friends and i can't thank them enough, for being there, for listening to me when i am down, for taking me out and taking my mind off the bad stuff and for just being truly loyal and amazing - i just wanted to say thankyou.

So now its time to move on and start looking forward, i do feel like a different person and part of that feeling will lead to change, nothing massive but i have a different outlook on what i want from life now, mainly i want to be happy, before this i honestly didn't think i deserved that, i focused on making other's happy without looking out for myself but sometimes that led to misplaced loyalty and selfishness on my part and that is part of what i want to change. I am also going to start being more honest about how i feel, i used to be a master at hiding my emotions and constantly saying i was "fine" but fine is not a feeling and says nothing about how you truly feel.

Anyway i am sure there will be more mentions of all this in the future but for now that's it, i just need to get on with it really!

If anyone see's God today could you perhaps ask him to turn the heating on - i am frikkin freezing!!

xx