Well i am back after a few days blog rest. Firstly i want to say a big thanks to all those who have offered support, shoulders to cry on, copious amounts of alcohol etc. I really appreciate you all being there for me through this very wierd and unsettling time. The effect of my last blog hs been pretty big, it took a long time to write and a few tears but it has proved to be very therapeutic.

My counsellor (emotional stylist) had suggested that i start writing things down to express my feelings and the blog was the first step. As this weekend was the one before pay day i spent the majority of it hibernating and writing, it's amazing how much clearer my thoughts and emotions are when they are down on paper. I have my next session on wednesday night and i have a lot of stuff to go through, more memories are coming back of the way i was treated. I have an envelope at home with pics of my ex boyfriends in it, i went through the pics and thought about the things that went wrong in other relationships and it all seems to go back to my experiences all those years ago.

I never expected to be in this situation again, at the moment the past is all i can seem to think about and it is taking over everything. It is not a nice place to be in and i will be so glad when my sessions are over and i will hopefully have some good strategies on how to move on with my life. That's what i need to do - i feel like this has been holding me back for so long and once i have dealt with it in my head and in my heart i will finally be able to just move on.

As i said in my last blog, not everyone knew what had happened all those years ago so for some this has all come out of nowhere. Please dont feel awkward around me, please dont feel that you can't talk about it, it helps to get things off my chest but at the same time i am still Pippy and can still laugh and make you laugh, no head tilting please! just a big big hug and a pint is all i need right now

to change the subject

Part of the weekend was spent looking through my old videos to see if there were any hidden gems, i found a few good programmes to keep me occupied, One of them was the Boy George documentary that i wrote about on here in Oct 2006. I watched it again and felt more and more angry towards Boy George, he has got so much anger in him and it all seems to stem back to the break up of his relationship with Culture Club drummer John Moss back in the 1980's. The reason i mention this is that Boy George is doing a series of shows at London's Shaw Theatre later this month. I was very tempted to go a while back but now i am thinking, can he still deliver? or is he just going to be ranting at the audience like a bitter queen. I think i shall save my pennies for another gay.

As i write this i am seeing on facebook that many of my friends in South Yorkshire are starting to worry about how they are going to get home, torrential rain has hit Sheffield and people are obviously worrying that there is going to be a repeat of last summers floods. I just hope everyone is ok. Bring on some sun, this is all just too depressing.

Apologies for the lack of a boudoir boy on friday, I shall try and get my act together soon

xx