Last night I went to a late showing of Mike Leigh's new film "Happy Go Lucky" - I love Mike Leigh's films - He is the genius behind the classic "Abigail's Party" and has also directed and written films such as Life is sweet, secrets and lies and vera drake. His films are usually quite dark and present a rather gritty view of family relationships in Britain. His latest film takes a new direction and is actually rather positive and downright jolly.



Focusing on the main character of Poppy played by Sally Hawkins who goes through life making light of even the most negative situations, throwing her creativity and humour into her career as a primary school teacher. After deciding that it's about time she learnt to drive she starts lessons with driving instructor Scott played by Eddie Marsan, Scott is an intense and cynical loner who cannot cope with Poppy's positive outlook on life. The films charts the development of their relationship as Poppy picks apart his insecurities to a shatteringly painful climax that is brilliantly played out by both actors. I really enjoyed this film although some may find Poppy's character to be annoying (she does laugh after everything she says) but if you focus on her outlook and her love for life, it is really quite refreshing.

So Kylie is doing the geisha look on her forthcoming world tour, groundbreaking stuff!

Kylie Minogue 2008



Madonna 2001



No offence Kylie fans, Just making sure you know who is leading the pack on this one.

I was in Soho the other day and who should walk past the window of Ku Bar but one Miss Joan Rivers, She looked quite stunning and yeah ok, her face is more plastic than most tupperware sets but she had fabulous Chanel sunglasses on and a rather amazingly flash pink coat. You gotta love her!



I don't know who this hottie is (bit part tv/film actor from America), he was on the heatworld website recently and words escape me but on a miserable day like today, this makes me smile!



Now let's all go and pray for sunshine, these april showers are playing havoc with my morning clothing choices

xx

The drinking has to stop!!!

Yesterday was 15 years ago to the day since I came out to my friend Clare, It so does not seem that long ago and am still best of mates with Clare to this day, her reaction was perfect back then and she has been an amazing friend ever since so big whoop whoop to her

Well what a weekend!! I am sat here now feeling rather self abused - Friday night I went out with the lovely Richard for drinks and dinner, what started as a rather sedate evening soon turned into a rather drunken affair but lots of fun was had although I was slightly staggering when I got off the night bus and woke up on saturday feeling ever so slightly special. Thank god for my power shower and nurofen.

After slapping my face a few times and ramming some much needed breakfast in my mouth, I dragged myself into town to meet Oliver for our mate Adrian's stag do. It was such a beautiful day weather wise, possibly the hottest day of the year so far we met and had a few pints and that's where things took a dry turn - we headed to covent garden where the activities began - it was rather busy so we had quite a large crowd watching us do a sports day comprising of egg and spoon, bean bag on your head and sack races! We then had to find a phonebox, the groom then changed into a supergirl outfit and several of the guys had to carry him round looking for girls to kiss. The fun didn't stop there with a short taxi ride to Tate Modern where we placed a massive piece of paper on the floor and did a foot painting of Adrian's soon to be wife, Mel.

Then it was straight on to the restaurant Guanabara for some pretty gorgeous food and drinks. At one point a very strong, small bottle of Vodka was passed round for each of us to swig, there was also a small scorpion in the bottle which no one seemed to be daring enough to eat, so in a moment of drunken stupidity I ate it! I guess i was trying to prove I was a man but eurgh!! it was vile!

We then went up to Kentish Town for the "School Disco" night, I have to admit it was not as bad as I thought it would be, not as busy either and you can't go wrong with 80's music. After that we staggered home and collapsed, feeling ever so slightly like death warmed up.

The rest of the weekend was spent working and trying to gain back a sense of self worth.

Now onto the main issue of the week!!! Madonna's new album "Hard Candy" was released yesterday, I actually got a copy last week and despite a few fears of Madonna attempting RnB, I have to say that I absolutely love it, it actually sounds more like classic 80's Madonna, There is not one song that I feel the need to skip. My favourite track seems to change day by day but at the moment I am loving "Miles Away" and "The Devil Wouldn't Recognise You". Apparently tickets for the tour go on sale in the next few weeks, I am just praying that since she is playing Wembley Stadium, they will be slightly reasonably priced - this wedding is costing me more than I thought!

This coming weekend is the Hen party, we are off to a stone tent??? in the middle of nowhere, having an 80's party and going to Go Ape - this is set in the forest and is basically an assault course of rope bridges, trapezes and zip slides, I am not exactly the sportiest of people and am not great with heights so you should be able to hear me screaming my head off and ever so slightly crying - I am just a tiny little gay man after all!

Am very much looking forward to spending the next month hauled up in the cinema, finally got round to renewing my cineworld subscription which is a bargain that everyone should take advantage of, Am wanting to see the new russell brand film, deception starring the lovely hugh jackman, the new mike leigh film - happy go lucky and am rather excited about Ironman too!!

xxx

Well we can win big brother, pop idol, bafta's, oscars, grammys, We can play an active role in almost any occupation in the world but apparently the gays cannot kick a ball around a pitch for love nor money - not my words - Luciano Moggi's words, yes the former managing director of one of the world's best known football clubs, Juventus, has said that "a homosexual cannot do the job of a footballer" - I have never been sure what the job of a footballer actually is, It generally seems to be earning a ridiculous amount of money to occasionally play a game of kickabout whilst the rest of the time is spent furnishing their tranny lookalike girlfriends with nasty designer clothing, boob jobs and the mysterious ability to launch a range of perfume that if sprayed effectively would ensure that you never get turned away from asda.

Mr Moggi goes on to say that " There are no gays in football, I don't know if players are against having them in their team but I definitely am, In the teams where I worked there were never any. I never wanted to have a homosexual player and I still wouldn't sign one. I'm old school but I know the ambience of football and a gay wouldn't be able to survive within it. The football world is not designed for them, it's a special atmosphere, one in which you stand naked under the showers."

Yeah right Moggi, it really is a macho sport and the gays could never fit in, apart from the fact that football boots make a high heel sound on concrete, everytime someone does something good they hug and kiss each other and then when all is done they swap shirts and shower together - sounds like a night out in Vauxhall to me and gay men do that very well. I should also mention that Mr Moggi (which sounds like a marvellous name for cat litter) is banned from football until 2011 for his role in a corruption scandal and is currently on trial - I think it might be him that has no place in football.

The facebook website is still an addiction I am receiving treatment for, over the past couple of weeks quite a lot of people from my school day's have added me as a friend, including my ex best mate from infant school and my high school heart throb. The ex best mate was not just from infant school, she re - appeared towards the end of secondary school and we were close for quite a few years and then I moved away and that was that. She has now added me and sent me a message, I am slightly concerned as to her welfare, she starts the message with "hey dude" - who the chuff says dude these days? It's all a bit "Bill and Ted" for my liking, the message ends "peace out, word to ya mutha" - exactly what word would she like to tell my mutha? I don't know if I even want her to speak to my mutha, it may all be a bit too upsetting for my 56 year old mutha to open the door to a 31 yr old white gangsta rap quoting admin worker chatting her lyrics. I shall endeavour to ensure that this does not happen, it's the last thing my mutha needs she has only just got over the excitement of patterned kitchen roll and I fear this would send her over the edge, next thing you know she will be buying a bath with a door.

Also my high school heart throb added me, he used to live at the bottom of my road growing up and I used to wait for him to go past on his way to school every day mainly because i was psychotically in love with him, I was never sure if he figured it out, there was the odd occasion when he would turn round crying and screaming "stop following me, stop dribbling and take your hand out of your trousers - I have been in touch with the police, you are on a list!" - touchy bastard! He should have been glad of the attention - no one has ever put on a harness to hang outside my bedroom window, not even when i left a harness outside the back of my house with a post it attached saying "put this on and winch yourself up a floor".

Well after 15 years of barely seeing each other he has added me, which means he can now see my full profile, he will now think that I am a beer swilling tranny - pretty accurate so far, sadly i can see his profile, he is fat and married to an orange girl who looks ever so slightly like a member of an atomic kitten tribute band. Ah well his loss!

Anyway peace out dudes and word does indeed go to YOUR mutha!

xxx

She did it!!

Oh yeah sugar buggers!! Madonna has hit the top of the singles chart on for the 13th time in her career with the single "4 minutes". She is the most successful female recording artist of all time and is way out in front with Kylie in 2nd place with 7 number one singles. It was also announced this morning that our gracious leader will be headlining Radio One's big weekend on the 10th May in Maidstone. You can register for a pair of free tickets on the Radio One website - be warned that over 60,000 people have already registered. All I can do is keep my fingers crossed and my legs wide open.




Just had a rather lovely weekend - friday night was spent in and I even managed an early night, Saturday a few of us went out for my friend Tolu's birthday at Brown's in Angel, had such a fab time and was great to catch up with everyone. Ended up back at Kaz and Tolu's gorge new house in Walthamstow for more drinking and lots of very politically incorrect conversation but had such a laugh.

Yesterday I was a tad fragile but managed to get out of the house to meet the lovely Richard for a proper sunday lunch and much quoting of French and Saunders and talk of taxidermy.

WARNING TO THE GAYS GOING OUT IN SOHO!!!

On thursday night I went out and got rather drunk, In the early hours of friday morning I was waiting for my night bus on Shaftesbury Avenue and some hideous eastern european sounding guy came up to me and asked me if I was gay, I was feeling drunk and feisty so I said yes, he then asked me if I wanted to have sex with him, I said no but he grabbed me and started to touch me and hug me, I shoved him away and off he went with all the loose cash I had in my jeans pocket. There were 10 people at the bus stop and they did not do a thing so thanks for that!! This is the 1st time this has happened to me but I told Pete and Kaz about it on Saturday and it has happened to them too. I have reported it to the LGBT Liaison officer's and they said this has been going on for over a year now. So people just be extra careful and if you do spot one of these guys trying it on - kick them in the cock - cheers

Speaking of cock - The illusionist Derren Brown has come out as gay in today's Sun newspaper - they have been open minded enough to use the headline "Mind Bender", I have always been strangely attracted to him and I have never been sure why. Maybe the idea that he might be able to change the £0 amount of cash in my account into lots of shiny money, I wonder if his chat up line with guys is "How would you like it if I made your penis disappear?" and then slowly he moves down with his mouth open - cunning!!




Well it's monday, it's just a few days til payday and I am poor, mainly thanks to my little pick pocketing friend! The annoying thing is that since I have had to borrow so much cash this month, the second I get paid it all goes away again, ooh it's a vicious cycle. When will the mirror ball stop spinning??

Next weekend I am doing something that every gay boy kinda sorta dreads - I am going on a stag night, I have to admit that I have not been on many before and actually my first stag do was loads of fun and was actually better than the hen night (yes we gay's get the best of both worlds) - it's not so much the stag night itself that is worrying me, it's all the games and events along the way that make me feel like being slightly sick in my mouth. There are the bar's, the drinking games, the rather innapropriate behaviour in an otherwise quiet restaurant, at one point we have been told we may get wet (erm HELLO!!! I don't get wet, that's not listed on my favourite things, if i do get wet they will Rue (Mclanahan) the day they were born!!)

After the drinking and the meal we are heading to a night in London called School Disco, Yes we have to wear school uniforms, i have a feeling it's going to be like an inside version of Ibiza uncovered. Where men get off with women and women get off with men and everyone binge drinks until they feel that getting their minge out on the dancefloor is the best idea they have ever had!!



Needless to say I am feeling slightly nervous at the prospect of this, Thankfully Oliver will be there as well, Sisters have to stick together!

laters

xx

Beyond ridiculous

Oh Jodie, Jodie, Jodie - what do you look like? Jodie Marsh returned to the London party scene last night to show off her new asset's, nothing to do with talent or having anything remotely interesting to say no she has had another boob job - she is now the stupid owner of a pair of 32GG's, Check out the picture, it looks like she has 2 morbidly obese bald men down her top.



It's hilarious that a drag queen who originally set out to take the piss out of Miss Marsh has now surpassed her celebrity, Yes London scene celeb Jodie Harsh is regularly spotted out on the town with Kate Moss, Kelly Osborne and Amy Winehouse and sadly for Miss Marsh, this Jodie has talent, Girl knows how to put on a good night and is a fab DJ, in fact all these 2 have in common is fake tit's! Here is Miss Marsh about the town with kelly, kate amd my gorge friend Ali





In London there is a gay magazine called "Boyz" - every week it has news articles, reviews of music and film and let's us boyz know what clubs and bars are doing to keep us entertained. Last week they hosted their annual scene awards with categories such as Best Fetish Night, Best Stripper and Best Cabaret act and I popped along with Oliver and Rachel to see what was on offer. Don't ask me who won, I was knee deep in free champagne and marguerita's brushing shoulders with the overly made up queens of the scene. It was a fab night, I just wish it hadn't been on a thursday, my head was throbbing like a bitch on friday morning and having just checked this weeks issue I am very relieved that my photo is not in there as god knows what I looked like.

There is hope for me yet!! Apparently, Allegedly - My number one man - Mr Danny Dyer has had a barney with his girlfriend and she has kicked him out after he had one too many nights out with Lily Allen and Jodie Harsh. In past interviews with the gay press he has often mentioned that he is not just experienced in loving the ladies, cut to me scouring the streets of East London this weekend!! I can put a roof over his head and thats not all I would do with his head - if you know what I am saying but by now I guess you always know what I am saying.



Well the reviews are in and not just of my rather bendy performance at boy bar but the new Madonna album and all in all it seems to be getting a big thumbs up, as with any Madonna album there are supposed to be the occassional clanger moments but it seems she has exceeded expectations, Rolling Stone magazine gave it a great review and the gay press are all over our gal's ass. Roll on the 28th april when I can finally get my sequinned mitts on that disc.

The girl from Hackney has done it!! Leona Lewis has managed to score a chart double in America, her debut album and single are both at No.1, It is so hard for a brit to crack America - even though brit-ney has done crack all over America - I was listening to Leona's album this morning and it is essential listening, it gives me the same goosebumps as Whitney's early stuff, ya know, Whitney before she snorted America through a pipe.

Right bitches, I am going to go and get on with my life and let's all face it - no dick is as hard as my life.

xx

Who needs Glastonbury?

How excited am I?? I am off to the V Festival this year!! - the charity that I work for has put me down as a volunteer!! All i have to do is set up and take down a stall and work 3 hours of each day handing out condoms to drunken men and women, the rest of my time there is my own plus I get to stay in the VIP camping area!!! The Line up features loads of my favourites Muse, Stereophonics, Amy Winehouse, The Kooks, Maximo Park, Alanis Morissette, Pigeon Detectives, Newton Faulkner, Duffy, Lenny Kravitz, The Feeling, Girls Aloud??, Kaiser Chiefs, The View, Scouting for Girls and Robyn to name a few!!

Also the rumours have started today about Madonna's World Tour, allegedly she is starting her tour in September with 2 dates at Wembley Stadium. I saw her there last year for the Live Earth show and thought she was ok but was not on long enough and did old routines but this time will be so much better, over 70,000 fans!! Let the countdown begin.

My favourite photo of the year so far!!!




It's now my facebook profile picture!

I have always had a very random fetish for men with receeding hair and so when i saw this picture of Jude Law I nearly dropped my chips! Bless!!



I still aint watching TV and feel that I may be missing something great in Brothers and Sisters - especially now that one of the show's actors has come out of the closet, Luke Macfarlane who plays a gay character in the show has come and this has sparked rumours that his close friend, Prison Breaks Wentworth Miller may also not be a stranger to moisturiser. Here is a rather cute pic of Mr Macfarlane - welcome to my box honey!!



xxx

Noisy Neighbours!

I live on the border of Dalston/Islington in North London in a lovely house, I have the ground floor and there is a lesbian on the 1st floor. Downstairs the cheeky money grabbing landlord has converted the cellar into another flat, there are mere wooden floorboards seperating me from my cellar neighbours, a straight italian couple who are quite possibly the noisiest people on the planet - they don't play loud music, they dont have the TV on at top volume, it's their stupid voices that are driving me slowly insane. the woman is not too bad but her boyfriend is soon going to be featured on the end of my meat cleaver!

He has the most exaggerated accent I have ever heard, If he is not putting on a stupid voice, he is singing or shouting - if it carries on like this for much longer I am going to start walking round loudly in a pair of high heels. He also has the kind of ginger hair that makes me feel nauseous and rides about on a scooter (how annoyingly italian!) - Please god let them move out soon, I shall be waving from the door screaming "Ciao" at the top of my voice - it really is like living above a 24 hour pizza advert.

I see that Marilyn Monroe is as popular as ever - a New York business man has just paid $1.5 million for a black and white, silent sex tape of the actress. The film shows Marilyn orally pleasuring a man for 15 minutes - god that girl was gifted, 15 minutes! I hoped she stopped for a breather and a glass of ribena.

Great news that James Blunt has broken his finger and can't play the piano!! He did a stage dive at one of his shows in America, I wonder which song he was stage diving too? Neither of his albums feature anything worthy of a stage dive, a cliff dive yes but not a stage dive.

xx

This was originally shown on BBC TV back in the seventies. Ronnie Barker could say all this without a snigger (though god knows how many takes).

Irony is that they received not one complaint. The speed of delivery must have been too much for the whining herds. Try getting through it without converting the spoonerisms [and not wetting your pants] as you read ...

This is the story of Rindercella and her sugly isters.

Rindercella and her sugly isters lived in a marge lansion. Rindercella worked very hard frubbing scloors, emptying poss pits, and shivelling shot. At the end of the day, she was knucking fackered. The sugly isters were right bugly astards. One was called Mary Hinge, and the other was called Betty Swallocks; they were really forrible huckers; they had fetty sweet and fetty swannies. The sugly isters had tickets to go to the ball, but the cotton runts would not let Rindercella go.



Suddenly there was a bucking fang, and her gairy fodmother appeared. Her name was Shairy Hithole and she was a light rucking fesbian. She turned a pumpkin and six mite whice into a hucking cuge farriage with six dandy ronkeys who had buge hollocks and dig bicks. The gairy fodmother told Rindercella to be back by dimnight otherwise, there would be a cucking falamity. At the ball, Rindercella was dancing with the prandsome hince when suddenly the clock struck twelve. "Mist all chucking frighty!!!" said Rindercella, and she ran out tripping barse over ollocks, and losing her slass glipper.



The very next day the prandsome hince knocked on Rindercella's door and the sugly isters let him in. Suddenly, Betty Swallocks lifted her leg and let off a fassive mart. 'Who's fust jarted?' asked the prandsome hince. 'Blame that fugly ucker over there!" said Mary Hinge. When the stinking brown cloud had lifted, he tried the slass glipper on both the sugly isters without success and their feet stucking funk. Betty Swallocks was ducking fisgusted and gave the prandsome hince a knack in the kickers. This was not difficult as he had bucking fuge halls and a hig bard on. He tried the slass glipper on Rindercella and it fitted pucking ferfectly. Rindercella and the prandsome hince were married. The pransome hince lived his life in lucking fuxury, and Rindercella lived hers with a follen swanny!




THE END.

It's my 300th blog entry!!!

why do I drink on sundays?

I am feeling oh so fragile today after a marathon drinking session yesterday. Why does it never enter my head that I have to go to work on monday morning. I didn't think of it whilst drinking vodka,lime and soda out of a plastic bottle on my way into central london with oliver. I definitely wasn't thinking about it when I ordered my first pint of Kronenbourg or when I thought a few jugs of cocktail would be a good idea. I did have fun though which is the main thing and the day was made all the better for seeing my friend James and being able to congratulate him on completing the London marathon in just over 5 hours - well done!!

The rest of the weekend was fun too, On friday night I had a few drinks after work, I actually managed to get home at a reasonable hour and had a great sleep, Saturday morning was perfect - Coffee, Croissants, OK! magazine and the Golden Girls! that's the way to start the day. Mid afternoon I popped up to Angel to meet Peter and had a couple of beers and a much needed gossippy chinwag. Saturday night I went over to west london to stay at Oliver's which was fun although far too much wine was consumed and I woke up fully clothed, face down on his sofa - boo!!

I finally got to see the new Madonna video this weekend and I think it's great. She looks amazing, Justin Timberlake needs to take his jacket off (he won't feel the benefit if he goes outside!) - there could have been a bit more dancing but sadly you can't have it all. A friend of mine sent me a link to an article that Julie Burchill wrote this weekend, she does like a good moan doesn't she, shame she comes across as a bitter, twisted, fatty!

http://lifeandhealth.guardian.co.uk/women/story/0,,2271989,00.html

I was very sad to hear the news that TV presenter Mark Speight has been found dead at Paddington Station, I can't say I was shocked, the poor guy lost the love of his life. I am surprised that in this world of CCTV it took 6 days to find him.

Public displays of affection

I claim to be a romantic old sod but there are certain things that I don't like mainly due to being single since biblical times (i didn't even have a partner for noah's ark!), the main thing i can't stand is couples kissing continuously in public, I just want to abtter them over the head with a club screaming "stop being so fuckin happy".

I do however object to this news story and am glad that some has complained - basically at 6.30am on sunday march 30th a gay male couple were waiting for a train at St Pancras station and were holding hands and kissing but apparently they were not being lewd or lascivious. After a short while an announcement was made on the speakers covering the entire station that said

"passengers please keep their hands to themselves and refrain from kissing."

Oh my god!! thankfully another guy heard this and immediately complained, making the point that smack bang in the middle of the station is a 9m statue of a straight couple kissing.



Why not smash the shit out of that first before completely humiliating a totally innocent couple.



It seems the complaint has been dealt with well but boo to whoever made that announcement.

shame on you

Hey,

Well the weekend is upon us once more, I am sat at my desk at work looking out of the window (busy,busy,busy!) and the weather is totally schizophrenic, the sky just turned from blue to grey to blue again in the last 10 minutes. Strange, I hope the weather is good for sunday - my friend James is running the Marathon and I shall be there cheering him on, He has managed to raise a staggering £2,233 for Marie Curie Cancer Care - you just go girl!!

On the 1st of May Londoners get the chance to vote for the new Mayor. There are 2 main players - the current Mayor Ken Livingstone and conservative candidate Boris Johnson, The wild card goes to liberal democrat candidate Brian Paddick. I have lived in London for 6 years now and have to say that I don't have that many problems with the city - yeah crime rates are too high but they do seem to be falling, public transport can be a bitch but i think that goes for everywhere, the only things that really annoy me are stupid tourists and generally stupid people interrupting my life - I don't think there is much any mayor could do about that. So my vote on 1st May goes to Mr Livingstone, his gay rights record is very good and he generally keeps the city running pretty well.



I was obviously never going to vote for Boris Johnson, a tory?? no thanks plus he looks like a drunken undercover paedophille clown at a children's birthday party, I am not voting for a man who does not know how to tie a tie or brush his hair, if he can't be arsed to do that in the morning just think what he won't be arsed to do with the city.



Brian Paddick used to be the deputy assistant commissioner for the Metropolitan Police, his policies are good and I believe he will bring a real clear understanding of how to further decrease London's crime rate. He is also a gay man and definitely the easiest on the eye of all three key candidates so being the shallow guy that I am, he is my 2nd choice.



It is very close between Boris and Ken at the moment so please get out and vote, you aint got no excuse for the shit if you don't do it.

The Pink Paper is running a poll this week asking lesbians and gay men if using the word "gay" to mean "lame" is harmless or homophobic and 52% think it's harmless, Maybe i am from a different generation and maybe younger people these days don't see any problem with it but I totally do. It may mean a completely different thing but I just can't see it and I am sure for a young gay man at school who hears the words that describes his sexuality also describing something that is lame and broken - he can't see it either. Can someone explain this to me?

Can someone punch me in the ears til they don't resemble ears anymore? Oh no wait a minute it sounds like Michelle Heaton (ex Liberty X lip syncher) is launching her solo career by covering the song "Talk" by Coldplay. WTF?? Can you even imagine? I would rather have ear wax....hot burning candle ear wax.

After that I really need some relief! Thankfully it's friday and it is briging sexy back! Yay it's

THE IMAGINARY MEN OF PIPPY'S BOUDOIR!

Oh yeah mofo's! Boy have I got a hot one right here - my fanny is biting my leg off! Thanks to Oliver i already have a hottie for next week but this week can I just take a minute to bow/kneel down for the beautiful american actor/model Channing Tatum. His body is oh so fine and i do not care if you are gay, straight, bi or thai, you have got to admit he is a very good looking chuck of meat!





Have a great weekend

xx

Last night I went to the London Lesbian and Gay Film Festival to see a film called "Life Support" starring Queen Latifah, It was based on a true story of a woman living in Brooklyn whose husband became infected with HIV through IV drug use in Prison and then passed the virus onto her. After coming to terms with her diagnosis she works for a HIV support organisation walking the streets of Brooklyn handing out health information and condoms. I was not sure what i was going to think of the movie, desperately hoping that it would not be all heroic and full of patronising messages. Thankfully I thought the film was excellent, it turns out that Queen Latifah can act and brought so much to the character. The film ends with the song "This Woman's Work" originally by Kate Bush - as soon as it started I felt a lump in my throat - this being one of the only songs that can guarantee to make me cry my eyes out. I managed to restrain myself - fancy having a face covered in mascara in front of all those gay boys!! the shame!

Tonight I am off the to a gay magazines awards show - with categories like Best Stripper of the year - I think it should be a rather fun evening. It's taking place in Fire nightclub in the 2nd gay ghetto in London - Vauxhall. I rarely head south of the river so this is quite the occasion. I must remember to dust off my tiara and beware of those silly paparazzi! Don't want any picture of my minge appearing all over the front pages tomorrow.

After a much needed break my boudoir is now ready for more imaginary men so from tomorrow I shall be bringing certain foxy hotties to your attention. Thankfully not all the men in my life are imaginary and my desires for dating are being fulfilled. As Carrie Bradshaw once said "I just need to feel the weight of a man on me!" - it's now my mantra.

toodles!!

xxx

Great weekend

Darlings! What a fabulous weekend - Friday was such a lovely sunny day - I just knew that people would be out in force and indeed they were, Ms Smith came back to mine after work for pizza and a much needed bottle of wine and then we were off! Hitting the Angelic bar in Angel for beers and Maria's leaving do - there was a really nice bunch of people out and much laughter was had, After a few pints we headed over to the X fm night at the Carling Academy to see Alex Zane dj'ing - that was all a bit strange really, I was under the impression that DJ's actually touched the decks but he just seemed to be badly dancing with lots of other people actually playing the tunes. All good fun though.

Saturday morning we woke up feeling a tad fragile but there was no time to waste, After dancing to "I Should be so lucky" in my living room and a rather innapropriate public conversation about different hand/blow job styles, we met up with Lenna, Paul, Glenn, Andie and a rather hungover looking Maria to hit the big bus tour! The day started off lovely but soon turned into a frikkin freezing one! Our guide on the bus had charisma to burn!! not really, he was sooo dull and his attempts at humour were enough to make us all want to throw ourselves off the top deck.

After a much needed sit down and a pint we hit the river cruise which was much more fun, a funny host with a sexy east end accent managed to brighten up my day no end. We went our seperate ways and Maria, Camilla and I headed to the Notting Hill Arts club to see a band that Maria's mate was in, sadly time caught up with me and i had to dash off to Waterloo to meet up with Chris, Ruth, Dan etc for drinks and a seemingly neverending music quiz machine which was far too addictive! I was then introduced to a chinese restaurant/greasy cafe which served the most random food - from massive chinese dishes to more down to earth british fodder, I felt slightly guilty ordering but i really wanted some regular basic food so me and Dan plumped for Chips, Mushroom and Eggs - delicious!!!

I managed to avoid the crazy goings on with the Olympic torch yesterday but did wake up to SNOW!!! i had to drag myself out of bed and stagger to the shop to get supplies and spent most of the day lounging on the sofa watching too much Will and Grace.

I see Glastonbury tickets went on sale yesterday and still haven't managed to sell out. Usually it takes just a few hours but I think the lack of good headliners this year compared to other festivals has resulted in lower ticket sales. The Verve, Kings of leon and Jay Z don't really have mass appeal. I may try and get to Glasto next year but I just aint feeling it this year

Mystery goings on with the Shannon Matthews case, Now the stepfather has been arrested on child porn charges, they guy who was keeping her under his bed has tried to kill himself and the mother has been arrested for perverting the course of justice. This family could not be more dodgy! The main theory is that they were in it for the cash, trying to get a public appeal going and pocketing the money. How damaged is that girl going to be? Some parents should really not be parents.

I am very jealous!! My dear friend Peter went to see the premiere of RuPaul's new film "Starbooty" last week and met him after the showing at a q and a session. RuPaul has to be the world's best drag queen and has managed to sustain a great career. I can remember coming out around the time that he started to really hit the big time - I thought he was fabulous, so out and proud and truly fierce, Never shying away from fighting for gay rights and even marching against the ku kluz klan in full drag! long may she reign




xx

Watch out Naomi's about

Yes folks she has done it again, Naomi Campbell has been arrested for twatting a police officer at Heathrow, apparently she was spitting, kicking and punching because one of her bags had gone missing. Calm it, calm it Campbell, I wonder why she got so irate, maybe the bag was one of those clear plastic ones with "washing powder" in it? or maybe it was the bag that she keeps her maid in - who can say, information around this is limited at the moment - grab your mop girl - i feel a spell of community service is looming.

Well it's been 8 months since I watched television and I am finally ready to admit that I miss it, this of course has nothing to do with the fact that Madonna's new video is going to be all over the place after today and I aint going to see it. It's mainly due to missing my series - Desperate Housewives, Ugly Betty but tonight I am missing the ultimate - Mariah Scarey is the guest host on the friday night project - i have a love/hate relationship with her I guess, i can of course appeciate that she has an amazing voice and every gay boy loves a good diva but I guess you have to be either a Mariah queen or a Madonna queen and I am perfectly happy vogueing on the Madonna side thanks very much.

Last night I had a very sad gay boy moment, I was watching last year's Kylie documentary "White Diamond" and I sat and blubbed my eyes out, I have been slightly slagging off Ms Minogue of late due to her lack of imagination in the choreography department - I mainly blame her gay boy bitch stylist William Baker for that. It does have to said that the woman is a national treasure and I have yet to meet a person who can say in their heart of hearts that they hate Kylie. The scene in the documentary where she has to finish a show early due to an overwhelmingly bad case of flu and she is stood on stage crying and still manages to carry on for an extra couple of songs before being carried off stage - ooh i tell ya my mascara was all over my face!

I am keeping my fingers crossed for good weather tomorrow, I am getting together with a group of workmates for the day, we won tickets for the open top london bus tour recently and tomorrow is the big day, we are doing a couple of the routes and then a river cruise with the occassional pub break thrown in for good measure - the sun is smiling today and so am I so please roll over into tomorrow!!

America is up in arms!! - A transgender man has become pregnant and they simply don't know what to do with this information. Basically a transgender man gave an interview to the USA gay magazine "The Advocate" announcing that he and his wife were expecting a baby through artificial insemination due to him still having female reproductive organs. This week he went on the Oprah Winfrey Show to tell all and thankfully Ms Winfrey was behind them 100%, the power this woman has in America is unbelievable, let's just hope that her support will lead to more open minds. The baby is due in July and here is the father to be - hoorah!!






Now if only Oprah could give that homophobic wench Sally Kern a kick in the lower portions we could all sleep a tad easier

Much love

xx

The stress of dating

It's like a box of chocolates!! You start to feel sick after a few of them and then you are left with the dregs that no one else wants. I am experimenting with dating at the moment - I have even subscribed to a dating site, yes I am financially investing in finding a man. I have had a few messages and even managed to set up a couple of dates.

I usually like dating as long as it's the old fashioned style of dating eg - dinner, movie and a few drinks rather than the dreaded modern style of gay dating eg - buzzing a random man's intercom and barely having time to introduce yourself before he wants you to "lube up".

My last attempt at online dating was not exactly successful, the guy was nice enough and we had a perfectly pleasent time but he was quite short, well very short - to put it bluntly it was all a bit...




Now I check the height of the date beforehand in an attempt to not be mistaken as the guy's carer. I remain optimistic with the site I have just joined, the profiles are not smutty or riddled with pictures of man meat. These usual features are replaced with insightful questions that allow you a glimpse into the guy's world.

I have not given up on the prospect of just going out and meeting someone, this may well happen tomorrow night as my lovely friend Maria is jetting off to a new career in Brazil and the work posse are out for her leaving do. This will include a trip to the Xfm indie night at the Carling Academy in Islington. I tend to think that gay indie boys don't just stick to gay indie clubs and maybe just maybe I shall meet a guy....our eyes will meet across a crowded dancefloor, we shall indie bop towards each other suggestively (which is hard to do when rage against the machine are playing) and compare t-shirt logo's.....either that or I will just stand in the middle of the dancefloor thwacking my ass to "Animal Nitrate" by Suede whilst pouting pathetically at moody looking androgynous types and scrawling the words "i am gay" across my shirt with a scabby old lipstick.

To think after all this effort I am still going to burn in hell - boo!!!

xx

Just a few days to go now until the video for Madonna's new single is released and some screen grabs have just popped up on the internet - my gash is gushing to the brim!!!











Now onto stupid news, Yes that forward thinking, right on Oklahoma State Representative has hit out at the gays again! Yes Sally Kern was invited this last week to meet with some local parents of gays groups to discuss her rather "wacky" take on gay life, They welcomed her with open arms and were very clear about gay rights and ways of moving forward in love and understanding. After the meeting Ms Kern wrote this letter to a local newspaper

"Here are some facts for my recent comments about the homosexual agenda. Health Issues: According to the CDC, men who have sex with men (MSM) have an HIV prevalence 60 times higher than the general population. The CDC found that MSM comprise only 1-2 percent of the population yet account for 64 percent of all syphilis cases. “The International Journal of Epidemiology” states that the mortality rate for those engaging in homosexual relations before age 20 have their life expectancy reduced by as much as 30 years. The CDC found both Hepatitis A and Hepatitis B disproportionately affects MSM. The study “The Longevity of Homosexuals” found that the average lifespan for lesbians is only slightly higher than that of homosexual men.

Homosexuals insist they are born gay, yet a study by Dr. Neil Whitehead and Briar Whitehead on various cultures states: “If homosexuality were influenced by genes, it would appear in every culture, but in 29 of 79 cultures surveyed in 1952, homosexuality was rare or absent.” Regarding homosexual couples and domestic violence, a recent study by the Canadian government states that “violence was twice as common among homosexual couples compared with heterosexual couples.” The American College of Pediatricians cites studies (that report), “Violence among homosexual partners is two to three times more common than among married heterosexual couples.”

The homosexual agenda’s influence on education is evident from their own organization’s literature. Re-authorization of the federal Head Start program assesses children based on the radical ideas of the National Association for the Education of Young Children. Head Start curricula and assessments include gender issues, diversity and multiculturalism. A homosexual advocacy group, Safe Schools Coalition, has books for ages 2 to 8 promoting homosexuality, bisexuality and transgenderism.

The book, “Tackling Gay Issues in Schools,” for K-12 gives teachers reasons for including homosexual, bisexual and transsexual lifestyles in schools. The Gay Straight Alliance offers instruction on teaching homosexuality in every subject. The Gay Lesbian Straight Education Network (GLSEN) has materials promoting the homosexual lifestyle. The National Education Association is sending all 16,000 public school districts in the U.S. a 24-page pro-homosexual booklet telling students that homosexuality is normal. “It’s Elementary” is a training video used in schools to persuade children that the homosexual lifestyle is normal. There is a homosexual agenda in our schools.

Anyone who thinks there is no homosexual agenda need only look here in Oklahoma to the newly formed Equal Rights Project created to help elect candidates by bridging the gay/straight community. The Equal Rights Project states “We felt we were uniquely qualified to help those running in the South and the Bible Belt. Running in these communities is much different than in California and New York. Our idea was to train, educate and support all candidates who support equal rights for all.”

Homosexuals are already citizens who have equal rights. They want “special rights” for the acceptance of their deviant lifestyle. I’m thankful that Oklahoma is different than California and New York. I pray it stays that way.

Sally Kern, District 84
Oklahoma State Representative

She was actually voted in????

Thankfully it's not all doom and gloom, My good friends at the Westboro Baptist church - remember them?



Well on sunday, more than 400 people gathered outside the "church" to protest against their ignorant and hateful views on homosexuality, Local residents were keen to get involved to show America that not everyone in the area was as bigoted as homophobic nazi like hate preachers.

Well slight change of plan for the weekend - I was supposed to be seeing the band Scouting for Girls on Friday night at the Shepherds Bush Empire but sadly the lead singer has lost his voice so it's been postponed so I am heading to me dear friend Maria's leaving do at the Angelic pub in Angel followed by a little bit of dancing at the Xfm night at the Carling Academy.

xx